I prefer to get the negatives out of the way and then talk about the positives only because it makes me happy to think that after every negative comes a positive. Which happened on the journey with my Mum and me even though it was hard to believe let alone think at the time. So this blog post, the next chapter of MyMumAndMe will be quite hard to write. But it’s okay, because things are better now, Alhamdulilah.
So, with my Mum in hospital and Aunt and Uncle Jay living with us there were many ups and downs. Laughter and tears. I mean, the house isn’t the same when my Mum’s in the shower, it was even worse with her away from home for 2 months. Don’t get me wrong, we got along fine. Especially with Aunty Halima doing her utmost best to make us happy. We are forever grateful ❤️. We had some difficulties but with the power of Whatsapp we got there in the end with the help of my Mum from the other side. After all, she is the expert!
But sometimes, everything just began to get overwhelming. I cried a lot. I got emotional a lot and I was always so nervous when I heard the phone ring. Was it the nurse from the hospital? Is Mum okay? What did they say? I would instantly think the worst because I was so scared. I don’t really know what I was scared of now thinking of it, but I was SO scared. Scared of what ‘might’ happen. I guess my anxiety took over me. Nights weren’t even nights for me for it was at night I was most awake. Running away with my thoughts just trying to gather what was happening. It was all too quick.
I wasn’t the only one stressing out though. It was hard for my Nan and Grandad. To see their daughter in hospital. It was hard for Dad. To see his wife in hospital. Pacing back and forth during the night across the hallway to make sure we’re all sleeping well. It was hard for my Aunts and Uncles. To see their sister in hospital. It was hard for everyone. Shocking. And because it was all too much for everyone in so many different ways, everyone began to show it soon enough. Tensions were rising in the household and the rope that we all held onto to keep faith and be strong was tearing slowly.
We said things and did things towards each other that we didn’t really mean. But it was all out of anger. I understand that now. There’s something that happened with my Father and I that I don’t really feel comfortable talking about right now, maybe one day. But it’s in the past and it’s forgiven and forgotten but yet still is a shadow that creeps up behind me every now and then. It’s one of them things that is just the worst thing to say at that specific time and to be honest, it broke me. But my Father soon realised what he said and was sorry. Only my Aunt and Uncle Jay know about what really happened so only they will understand what I’m talking about when they read this.
But it made me stronger. Everything that happened with MyMumAndMe, made me stronger. It made me see life in a different way and understand things better. Be appreciative. The real world. Sometimes we just have to stay strong even though it’s the hardest thing and just carry on, because after every rainfall, comes a rainbow! (One of my favorite sayings 🙂 )
This specific negative, is what practically changed me. It hurt and really left a mark on me but it was all cool after a lovely tiramisu from the local cake shop just from the hospital. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger ey!