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Silent Tears

Things didn’t stop there, in fact things became even horrible. Yes, I was happy that my Mum was home but her presence was still not the same as before. She didn’t like loud sound, she couldn’t cope with being around loads of people all at once let alone holding a conversation that was longer than 3 minutes. What happened to my Mum? The one who made all the jokes and knew what to say in every scenario. She was always sleeping and her mood was always down, always negative. For she fell, into depression. She didn’t want to even get out of her bed to spend time with us all in the living room let alone getting out of the house for a walk. Not only because she physically couldn’t but emotionally too. She knew she didn’t look the same, she didn’t feel the same, it was a shock to her more than anyone. But being the amazing person she is, she kept her head held high and smiled. Yes, she’d cry when no one was looking, even though I’d notice it. Seeing my Mum break down into tears, sobbing and sobbing as people would sympathise towards her and ask her if she was okay, was heart breaking. For she didn’t have to say anything when replying if she was okay, she let the silent tears do all the talking.

Yet she knew, that Allah gives His strongest soldiers the hardest battles. She overcame something so hard and threatening emotionally and physically, so surely Allah loves her so much that He guided her towards ease. She always remembered that, and whenever anyone said that she’d be okay she’d always nod her head and say ‘Yes, Allah cares for me’. And that, would make me smile. Even though my Mum went through so much, she didn’t lose hope and faith, and for me that was so beautiful to see. My Mum was always an inspiration to me, and for her to even try holding back the tears and keeping strong was enough for me to say I am so proud of my Mum and I will forever be grateful to Allah for her.

However, things didn’t stop there, in fact things became even horrible. For my Mum began having what you call pseudo seizures that would make her body shake and uncontrollable but in a way where she was still aware. Her face would slant to the left and she wouldn’t be able to communicate. It was a scary sight to see, repeatedly. And for these reasons she’d be in and out of hospital. For every pseudo seizure she’d have something worse would happen each time, shortness of breath etc. And for me as a daughter, for me to one minute be talking to her casually then the next be calling the ambulance explaining to them of what’s happening and to come quickly, was hard. My voice would always break when talking to the man or woman on the other line of the phone, they’d always re assure me and tell me that I’m being ‘really brave’ but I knew I wasn’t ready. No matter how much we tried, running from the hospital was a no go. For she’d always go back. When would this all stop? When can I stop seeing my Mum connected to wires laying in a hospital bed? When can she come home? These moments, these questions, were seen impossible to be answered correctly let alone positively, and that, was VERY hard to accept.

 

Blog Lifestyle mymum&me

Rainbow

I prefer to get the negatives out of the way and then talk about the positives only because it makes me happy to think that after every negative comes a positive. Which happened on the journey with my Mum and me even though it was hard to believe let alone think at the time. So this blog post, the next chapter of MyMumAndMe will be quite hard to write. But it’s okay, because things are better now, Alhamdulilah.

So, with my Mum in hospital and Aunt and Uncle Jay living with us there were many ups and downs. Laughter and tears. I mean, the house isn’t the same when my Mum’s in the shower, it was even worse with her away from home for 2 months. Don’t get me wrong, we got along fine. Especially with Aunty Halima doing her utmost best to make us happy. We are forever grateful ❤️. We had some difficulties but with the power of Whatsapp we got there in the end with the help of my Mum from the other side. After all, she is the expert!

But sometimes, everything just began to get overwhelming. I cried a lot. I got emotional a lot and I was always so nervous when I heard the phone ring. Was it the nurse from the hospital? Is Mum okay? What did they say? I would instantly think the worst because I was so scared. I don’t really know what I was scared of now thinking of it, but I was SO scared. Scared of what ‘might’ happen. I guess my anxiety took over me. Nights weren’t even nights for me for it was at night I was most awake. Running away with my thoughts just trying to gather what was happening. It was all too quick.

I wasn’t the only one stressing out though. It was hard for my Nan and Grandad. To see their daughter in hospital. It was hard for Dad. To see his wife in hospital. Pacing back and forth during the night across the hallway to make sure we’re all sleeping well. It was hard for my Aunts and Uncles. To see their sister in hospital. It was hard for everyone. Shocking. And because it was all too much for everyone in so many different ways, everyone began to show it soon enough. Tensions were rising in the household and the rope that we all held onto to keep faith and be strong was tearing slowly.

We said things and did things towards each other that we didn’t really mean. But it was all out of anger. I understand that now. There’s something that happened with my Father and I that I don’t really feel comfortable talking about right now, maybe one day. But it’s in the past and it’s forgiven and forgotten but yet still is a shadow that creeps up behind me every now and then. It’s one of them things that is just the worst thing to say at that specific time and to be honest, it broke me. But my Father soon realised what he said and was sorry. Only my Aunt and Uncle Jay know about what really happened so only they will understand what I’m talking about when they read this.

But it made me stronger. Everything that happened with MyMumAndMe, made me stronger. It made me see life in a different way and understand things better. Be appreciative. The real world. Sometimes we just have to stay strong even though it’s the hardest thing and just carry on, because after every rainfall, comes a rainbow! (One of my favorite sayings 🙂 )

This specific negative, is what practically changed me. It hurt and really left a mark on me but it was all cool after a lovely tiramisu from the local cake shop just from the hospital. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger ey!

Blog General Lifestyle

Cambridge University

Cambridge? Yes, I, Milly Parvin, had the privilege to be a part of a weekend residential for young people at Clare College in Cambridge University. Before I start, may I just say I loved meeting all the lovely students who took part from another school, and also a big thank you to our leader Ben, who made every moment inspiring and entertaining. Humorous karaoke, whilst giving the answers of the music round at quiz night or taking us around Cambridge University showing us how University life really is. It is safe to say, my ideas, thoughts, superstitions of University were wiped away by the end of the weekend so much so, I am determined to work my way up to one day being a graduate of Cambridge University.

The weekend was very insightful with many tasks and talks to attend. They consisted of information about the transition from moving out of home to starting a new chapter in the community of University, to the information about what it takes to be Cambridge University potential! As my Aunt had assisted me on this residential, it gave her, as well as the other parents/guardians, a sense of contentment, as the residential taught all of us that University really isn’t as scary as it seems. Before this weekend I had this idea that University life was about studying, studying and even more studying! However, it’s quite the opposite. Yes, the workload is substantial, but Cambridge provides many society clubs from languages, drama to even rowing in the morning- meaning getting to see the sunrise, and we all know how much I adore watching the sky as it sets! Not only this but as students have to continuously study at the University in their designated College for an 8 week semester, they stay in an affordable apartment. Luckily, we stayed in Clare College on the Memorial Court, and it was absolutely beautiful! Cambridge is surrounded by nature and amazing architect that my Aunt and I just couldn’t stop taking pictures of, which made us feel like we were in a scene from Harry Potter! Of course, I have selected some images which you can find on my Instagram, so do have a look when you finish reading this!

Although Cambridge has many colleges within, I really had a soft spot for Clare College, even when we toured St Catherine’s. I guess whilst staying there, my “geeky” side had revealed its way out of me and I actually fell in love. The fact that Cambridge’s Central Library is at the doorstep of Clare College is what not only got me excited but my Aunt too! We were eager to go inside as the idea of having a copy of every single book in the world published inside that grand library, gave my Aunt and I a very exciting and jumpy feeling! Unfortunately we were not allowed in, however my Aunt and I shared the same stare. “Don’t worry Milly, when you’re here we can go in whenever we desire!”

In our free time my Aunt and I had the chance to go into Waterstones and purchase ‘The Forty Rules of Love’ by Elif Shafak which is absolutely amazing that a book review will be coming soon so look out for that, as well as the new issue of the ‘Writers’ Forum’ magazine, which I hope to be subscribed to very soon! Oh, and how can I forget to mention the bag that both my Aunt and I couldn’t help but purchase from a really cute shop in Cambridge market, titled ‘More Issues Than Vogue!’ Be sure to keep your eye out for it in the next photoshoot!

As you can see, my trip to Cambridge was very inspiring. We did so much and I even got the chance to speak to someone who studied English Literature, which is what I would love to do one day! Looking at the prospectus I am very happy with what the English Literature Course provides and now, it is my only goal. With the help of my Aunt of course!

Taking in the information that we learnt my Aunt and I are determined to get me onto the path of reaching Cambridge. So, I am glad to announce that I have taken on the challenge of ‘A Word A Week’ which is where my Aunt sends me one word and from that word I have to write an essay or poem in the limit she gives me (2 A4 pages/500-800 words for example) in the course of one week. This challenge will go on from now till A levels and shall teach me how to manage my time and become more independent, for the trip to Cambridge University had taught me that those skills were key to be a successful graduate of a University that holds its name as one of the top in the UK. Not only this but I will write and present a book review every month to gain skills such as confidence in public speaking and expanding my dictionary.

Blog mymum&me

Beginner

From then on for the next 2 months, I went to go visit my Mum EVERYDAY. Even if it was for a minimum of 15 minutes I’d still go. I’d go and I’d sit with her and tell her everything. How well Aminah slept or how many times Naima fidgeted in bed. Or what the kids are wearing to even when the last time they ate was. No matter how bad the situation that my Mum was in, she still managed to be the amazing Mum she is! At times it’d make me cry actually, which may sound silly but is true. You see, as any Mum would do, before I left she’d always remind me to make sure my baby sister Aminah has been fed some milk and has a fresh nappy on before she goes to sleep. Making sure that all the laundry don’t get mixed up with the clean clothes etc. And it’s these little ‘warnings’ if that’s what you want to call it, is what’d make me cry. Because on a normal day, I say normal because these were my expectations, my Mum wouldn’t ask of these things from me because she’d do it herself. As a Mum, she’d make sure we were well fed and were happy, no arguments. She’d make sure our clothes were ready to wear and it was my Mum who’d make sure everything was kept tidy.

But because my Mum was practically useless, so weak and unable to even walk to the toilet from her bed which is only a few footsteps away let alone move her body to get into the position to get up was impossible at the moment, it was all down to me as the oldest to learn the ‘basics’. Which at the time weren’t really basics at all. I mean, I knew how to change a nappy and I knew how to make a bottle of milk. But I didn’t know how much the baby would want or how hot it should be. I didn’t know when the nappy is ‘full’ and I didn’t know why the baby’s crying. I didn’t know how to wash the clothes and I didn’t know how to sort arguments. I didn’t know how to sort the bedtimes and I didn’t know how to feed the kids. I had to learn a lot of things which I guess I should’ve known at my age anyways. But I guess as a teenager who’s reliable on her Mum, I didn’t really pay attention to how much is really done. You all must be wondering where my Father is in all of this. Well, my Dad is, well was, the kind of Dad who’d only do what he ‘has’ to do. Drop us all off to school, go work and get the money needed to maintain the household. We’d probably see him a few hours before bedtime and the only time we’d ever really spend time with him would be on a weekend or holiday. Even then, he’d be at the gym or with his mates. So my Mum was left to do everything to be honest.

Me and my Dad, we’re not that close. Well we weren’t as close as we are now. The only time I’d ever really have a proper conversation with him would be to complain or ask. And as bad as that sounds, it’s true. My Dad, don’t get me wrong isn’t the antisocial type, he’s always making us laugh and knows how to have a good time ‘when appropriate’ :/, he’s close with the other 3, but not as much with me. We don’t really have that supposed ‘father daughter relationship’.  So, the thought of being left alone with him to keep the house in tact with basically, the ‘3 Naughty Musketeers’ didn’t really comfort me. For he was exactly like me, a beginner.

But it’s not like we were alone; I have such an amazing supportive family Alhamdulilah and they were always there. Bringing food in and inviting us round and even taking us out, so that the younger lot didn’t feel that their Summer was somewhat ‘ruined’. My Uncle Jay and Aunty Halima even lived with us in the period of time that my Mum was in hospital. Aunty Halima even put her work on pause to make sure that we were okay. She was always there and so was Uncle Jay, and even to this day are. I don’t think I’d be able to do it if it weren’t for them, holding us tight in their arms as we cried at the thoughts of Mum, making us laugh, to even giving us that spark of hope when we gave up. For, the struggles of my Mum’s brain tumour being removed was complete, but the long road of recovery ahead of her and everyone as a family, lay ahead of us in the far, far distance.

There were good days and bad days, and some I’ll find hard to write about. Simply, because the memories will come flushing back. But, this is the story of MyMumAndMe and I want it to be as honest as possible with my emotions with certain scenarios. For if it weren’t for both the good and bad, the people, the tears, I wouldn’t be writing this now.

Blog General

Note to Self

Growing up sucks. Your friend isn’t really your friend and your enemy isn’t really your enemy. There is no such thing as opposites in my eyes, but rather disguises. You don’t really know someone till you’ve seen both their bad and good sides. And no one can really love you either, till they’ve seen both the good and bad. Because falling in love with someone who isn’t who they seem to be, tends to hurt more than heartbreak. For when growing up you begin to realise that there is no point in fairy tales, fantasising, reality starts to kick in.

A princess can never really be happy unless her stepsisters try to ruin her happiness and fit their big feet into a glass slipper, unfortunately not everyone can have pumpkins as carriages. I as a young teen have experienced haters, bullying, hardship, the whole lot. And only now have I learnt one of the many lessons of life; that the so called ‘popularity’ isn’t the ‘key to success’ but keeping the circle small, and not telling others about your dreams and ambitions keeps you much more happier. For only you know your goal and the mistakes that you make on the journey. Only you can pick yourself up when you’re feeling down.

Nevertheless, I am proud. Proud of where I am today and grateful for all the people that I am surrounded by. And they all know who they are. My lovers, my friends, my family and my supporters. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for you guys, and I am forever grateful. I strive to make everyone happy In Shaa Allah (if Allah wills) and I only wish the best for everyone. May Allah keep all of us strong and help us attain our goals in life, and discard all the haters and negativity. May we all have Sabr (patience) when we fail, for verily with hardship, comes ease.

Milly x

Blog mymum&me

The Storm

Ah so sorry that I’ve been away! I’ve not been well for the past few days but I’m well now☺️. So let’s get straight into what happened with MyMumAndMe after the news of having a blood clot.

Well to be honest after that Mum was rather well. She was slower than usual as she was weak in her mobility due to weakness in her left leg but things were okay I guess. The blood clot had disappeared after having the anti-clot injection. Things were looking good, for the next two weeks.

It was two weeks later on a Sunday morning around 9 o clock that my Mum had a third seizure. I was in my bed dreaming away when I hear my Mum screaming out for help, three times. It was the second time that my Dad started yelling “Yaa Allah” running towards my Mum in the bedroom, when I had realised what was actually happening, my Mum was having a seizure. I ran as fast as my legs could take me only to see probably, actually it was, the worst thing I’d ever seen. My Mum’s body was trembling and her face was out of proportion. Me and my Dad were calling her but she couldn’t respond. I remember looking at her feeling so scared, just like my Dad said, I really couldn’t recognise my Mum. She’s known to be very fit Masha Allah, walking from one end to another doing chore after chore. That couldn’t have been my Mum. No way. Weak? No control? That’s not her. But it was. And the change just happened so quickly.

So I had to call the ambulance and it was my first time. I pulled out my phone and I couldn’t even dial the three numbers, 999, because I was shaking so much. Panicking. I called and there was such a lovely lady talking to me taking in the details and telling me what to do. As Mum was still fitting, we had to make sure all objects were away from her so that she wouldn’t bang against them and hurt herself. We had to keep my Mum calm and just relax her. The seizure lasted about 2-3 minutes. My Mum’s face was pale and her eyes were huge! She was looking around all lost and confused not aware of what happened to her. She was unable to speak but could hear us and we knew this as she looked at us when we spoke to her. I didn’t know what to feel. I didn’t know what to think. This wasn’t like my Mum. My Mum was unwell. Really unwell.

It took the ambulance crew about a couple of minutes after her seizure stopped, to arrive. But it felt like they took ever so long, with the tension building in everyone unaware of what to do next, didn’t help with the situation. They needed to be here in my house, with my Mum, ASAP! And in that time the lady on the phone was still talking to me taking in the details of my Mum’s breathing etc. When the ambulance did arrive they were talking in ‘doctor language’, I didn’t understand a single word that they were saying! They were very serious and very on task and to be honest made me a lot more nervous. I had to look after my brother and sisters while the paramedics were taking care of my Mum and getting the history of what had happened to my Mum previously before this seizure, from my Dad. She was taken in a stroller and my Dad went with her. I was left home alone with my brother and sisters.

And that’s when it really hit me. I began to cry and cry and I was just so scared. It’s not a nice thing to see, and it’s especially not a nice sight to see on your own Mum. I finally understood, now that I saw it myself. I mean, when it happened the past two times of course I was upset and scared, it was an unexpected shadow that would appear from nowhere and hurt my Mum. Make her weak, make her sad, make her in pain. But because I saw it for myself, because I watched her go into the ambulance, because I had to be brave for my younger siblings when I knew I wasn’t brave for my own self, it hit me more. And all I could think about was all the memories my Mum and I share, making me shed tears even more at that point.

Anyways, I stayed calm for the sake of everyone else and my Uncle called saying he was on his way to pick us up and take us to our Nans. The kids were out playing and as they’re young, well they didn’t have a clue what was happening to my Mum. But as they saw my Mum having the seizure they saw it as ‘Mum’s leg was shaking’.

The afternoon passed and we still hadn’t heard any news. Everyone came round to my Nans sitting eagerly wanting to know the updates on my Mum. It was about 5/6 o clock when my Nan was speaking on the phone to my Dad and started looking teary. My 3 Aunties were in the kitchen cooking and washing up the dishes. I walk in to get warm as at that point I was outside getting some fresh air to clear my mind all frozen, it was a nice summer evening outside, but as soon as I walked in, everyone’s mood that was given off created a storm. A dark cloud that overlook the entire house, when I see my Aunty Halima crying at the sink. What happened? Why’s everyone whispering? Is everything okay? Is Mum okay?

I hugged my Aunty as seeing her cry is not a nice thing. Seeing anyone cry at the least. She blamed it on the onions that she was cutting, only to find out later that it wasn’t because of the onions that she was crying. She told me to wait outside and that she would come ‘explain’ when she finished washing up the dishes. What was it? What’s there to explain?

Blog mymum&me

Rain

2 weeks later the Summer holiday arrived! School had ended finally! But the journey of MyMumAndMe didnt just end there. To be honest it gradually grew into what I saw it to be, a nightmare. Things began to get so hectic from that day, but we just didn’t know. It was something that just crept behind us and came whenever it liked. Almost like a shadow when the sunshine decides to appear in the middle of typical British weather. Or even when the rain appears when the BBC told us it would be a sunny day! Well, thats what we thought.
After that hectic-filled day we went back home and had our first Iftaar of Ramadhan 2015. 5 whole weeks went and they were absolutely beautiful. Going round to everyone’s houses for Iftaar, enjoying time with the family and strengthening our Imaan and relationships with Allah, as well as me completing my #MyNafsi series. At the end of it all, it was Eid! ? ahh was so much fun omg! Raving in the car with my Aunt and spending time with my family and friends. We also had a lovely day out to the beach on the second day of Eid ? which was amazing! Speed boating, sun bathing on the (not so soft) sand, screaming my throat out on the rides and having ice cream donuts. What more could I possibly ask for! Eid was AMAZING! After that well, was just full of so much activities, so much fun that I had with my friends and family.
But..it was 3 weeks after Eid, that my Mum had a second seizure at home. A full 5 weeks after the first one that happened in the school playground. Me and my siblings were out with my cousin, Uncle and Aunty for a nice day out (on a rainy day!) when this happened. At the same time my Dad was at work, and so my Mum was home alone with Aminah (my youngest sister who was 14 months at the time). When suddenly a call came from my Dad telling my Uncle that my Mum was going into hospital. We rushed to my Nans waiting to hear some news. Later that evening my Mum came home with test results saying that she has a blood clot in her left leg, and as of yet hadn’t been diagnosed with epilepsy. What was causing these seizures to happen? We didn’t know as the doctors themselves did not know, the answer was not found. However, seeing as my Mum’s test results came back with a blood clot in her left leg they gave her a anti-clot injection which thinned out her blood and caused the clot to react to the injection, resulting to the clot going away. As my Dad witnessed what had happened to my Mum we were eager to find out what exactly happened; he said he was at work and was feeling hungry and so as he was local, decided to come home and eat for lunch, which he doesn’t normally do. So as he was washing up the dishes he suddenly heard a loud scream coming from my Mum’s bedroom. It was a shout you’d hear if someone was trying to kidnap you or kill you, as he explained, it was a cry for help, a kind of scream that you wouldn’t really hear from someone like my Mum who does everything for herself. He rushed over only to witness my Mum having no control over her body with her face misplaced so much that he said he could not recognise her, she was having a seizure. My Dad panicked but stayed calm and called the ambulance, well done Dad! If Dad didn’t decide to come home for lunch as normal who knows what could have happened to my Mum and when she would have been found, who knows what would have happened to Aminah. It was Qadr of Allah for my Dad to be in the presence of my Mum at the time. SubhanAllah! My mum was weaker than usual as it affected her mobility but still carried on with the day to day basis.
But no, the journey did not end there unfortunately and things to be honest, grew into more of a nightmare.

And…you’ll find out in the next post what happened, which will be out shortly later on today in shaa Allah.

Speak to you soon
Much love and kisses

Milly x

Blog

Hello!

Hello all!
Been a long long 9 weeks that I have disappeared. And in that time I have dealt with many ups and downs. I’ve said goodbye and I’ve said hello to many. Whether that be humans or feelings. At the end of it all where am I? Im here! Back! And in shaa Allah for good! I have so much planned and I just want to get straight to it before the reality of homework and school gets in the way ??. As it is the first day of the half term holiday, I thought I’d start it by saying hello to a brand new me and hello to you all. I have missed you all dearly but I promise you I have so much in store. Stay tuned as I have a #MyMumAndMe post coming your way tonight as well as starting off #MyNafsi series on my blog! As well as this, next Sunday I shall be doing a photoshoot with my Aunty @wwags for planned posts, so that should go well! ?

Right, need to learn how to stop blabbing! ? so I shall get back to my #MyMumAndMe post which will be up by tonight in shaa Allah, and in the meantime if you haven’t already, do read through my previous posts and subscribe to not miss the upcoming posts coming your way.
In shaa Allah this is the official comeback of MUSELIM!

Speak to you soon
Much love and kisses

Milly x

Blog

QUICK NOTICE! 

Long time! I know! But I just wanted to say I haven’t run away again from the sounds of a scribbling pen on paper. Just been going through hella lot! Ever since Monday my mum hasn’t been feeling well and it was on Tuesday evening she went into hospital. Alhamdulilah it wasn’t anything serious and so mum came back home on Thursday, in time for my little brother Jamal’s 9th birthday. Ahh the warmth of the house as my mum came into our home and the big smile Jamal had when he saw my mum was just amazing✨. It was actually quite emotional, you see I’m a snapchat fanatic ? and so in the morning I climbed up the bunk bed onto Jamal and started singing happy birthday only to pause? because Jamal was really upset. “It’s not my birthday!” he screams at me. He was upset of the fact that his mum wasn’t there on his birthday, I didn’t really blame him. Still managed to put a smile on his face thoughhh?

So the moment he heard my mum was coming home later on that day his attitude changed completely! And he had a great birthday! So as you can see, recently just been going through ups and downs but haven’t forgotten about blogging! I have so much planned and am ready to write?. Be sure to stay tuned for my #MyMumAndMe posts as they’re coming along very soon! And if you haven’t already checked, the introduction is up, so do go have a read?So just hang in there and you’ll hear from me shortly In sha ‘Allah✨
Much love and kisses,

Milly?✨

Blog Lifestyle

I’m Back!?

Heyy guyss Long time no talk, I know! But I’m here to explain, I promise. Wow, I don’t even know where to start, Imma be real with you guys, I’ve been through quite a lot recently.. So imma start from the beginning ?
As most of you may know during Ramadhan 2015 I was working very hard on my #myNAFSI project which consisted of each Surah in the Qur’an being turned into poetic form based on the theme of #NAFS #NAFSI. Alhamdulilah I had completed it the day before Eid! ? I was so proud of myself, but I couldn’t have done it without the help and support of my lovely family, friends and supporters, so thank you ?

I guess from that point things gradually started going downhill for me
My mum began to fall really ill and a lot happened, so much that to be honest with you, my faith and hope had crashed down immensely to the point where I didn’t want any contact with anyone at all, I just wanted my mum to be fixed ?. Long story short, my mum now, Alhamdulilah is on the mend and slowly coming back to be the lovely nagging 30 year old everyone knows her to be, our family’s very own mean, green, fighting machine❤️ so yeah, that’s mainly why I disappeared…

I just, ah, words cannot describe how I felt? they just can’t. To see my young mother unable to do what everyone else her age is doing, so weak and so tired, it got to me ?. But, I have learnt a lot from all this, about life, appreciation and most importantly the importance of a mother in a child’s life, in a mother and daughter relationship. And so I hope to InshaAllah, share my journey that I had in the last couple of months soon, so do look out for my #MumAndMe posts which will be coming shortly

As well as all that drama ? I had some hate coming along and just unnecessary drama in my social life, and so it lead to me feeling even worse and to be honest, I just couldn’t hack it anymore
Soo, why am I back?!
I don’t even know, but I’ll tell you one thing

Ever since I have stayed lowkey so many of you lovely supporters have told me to not give up and carry on with my writing because you enjoy it❤️ and to be honest I guess I’ve been hiding away because of the fear of haters ?

But, my lovely Aunt Halima! Oh my gosh I love her so much?. She told me exactly what I needed to hear a few weeks back that she’s always been saying to me from the beginning anyways, and ever since then has stuck to me.

It doesn’t matter what anyone says, she knows I have the potential to do well and she knows that people actually do read my work. See, my Aunt is a very honest person ? and she tells me ‘ if your work was rubbish do you think I’d help you in the first place’ and as much as that may sound harsh, it’s actually one of the biggest compliments I have ever got?❤️. And then ? many messages started coming up from many people saying not to give up and you know what, it was all an eye opener. I read every single message and I said to myself that I will not allow myself to give up as I know that I have the potential to bring something crazy to the table!
But why did it take so long?
Because I just couldn’t allow myself to focus because of worrying about my mum. To be honest, I wasn’t even planning to come back so soon anyways. But then ? my aunt told me how my mum was upset and thought I stopped writing because of her, and as my mum played a big role in my writing by proof reading it before posting anything up, it was a big shock to her as it was to anyone else
So ??? I guess I do know why I’m here after all,

This one’s for all you people that let haters get to you. You and me will work together and help one another to be the people that we wanna be! No one will get in our way??

This one’s for my Aunt, I know it took a lot of time to get me back here, but thank you for the nice but yet harsh words ??? it truly was an eye opener

This one’s for my Mum, we just gotta be strong and never lose faith in Allah, for He had the power to give the illness so He has the power to also take it away soon, InshaAllah. So really, I’m writing this one for you, Mum?. Know you can always stay proud of me and not worry about a single thing, other than getting better of course!?❤️ May Allah bless you with complete Shifa, Ameen x

This one’s for my real ones ? the people who stuck by me no matter what, who didn’t leave me when the others did and also to the most amazing people I have met during these hard months, I hope our friendship blossoms to be something incredible in the future InshaAllah?
From now on, I will not bottle things up, the pen and paper will do all the talking for me now, I promise ??
So you guys! Be sure to stay tuned, as I will slowly be uploading my #myNAFSI series onto here, and then starting my #MumAndMe as well as putting up any creative writing I come up with while my head is in the clouds ???

For any suggestions on what you’d like to see, please don’t hesitate to contact me via the comments below, Instagram or email me at muselimcom@gmail.com, and I will do my very best to get them done!
This one’s to a new beginning InshaAllah, may this be the start of something amazing☕️

Speak to you soon, InshaAllah
Much love and kisses,

Milly?✨

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